I wrote last week about the devotion for which Aeneas—the great Roman hero of Virgil’s epic The Aeneid—remains famous (see On Devotion to Duty). It’s a theme I can’t seem to shake. Perhaps it’s the season of life I’m in. The one where I find myself now, more than ever, receiving instructions from my inner authority to abide (see also On That Which Abides). Perhaps it’s simply a function of the fact that I recently re-read The Aeneid as part of my book editing process. Or perhaps it’s some combination of the two.
Whatever it is, it seems my soul has something more to say on the topic. Which brings us here, where I will begin to make a case for something I’ve come to believe with every fiber of my being: the only way to self-actualize is to serve others. Only by devoting ourselves to something bigger than ourselves can we come to experience the deep joy that life offers. Only by forgetting our self do we find our Self.
Studying those he considered remarkable, the psychologist Abraham Maslow (father of the Hierarchy of Needs, on top of which Self-Actualization sits) observed that a common trait shared by psychologically healthy individuals was their almost religious devotion to something larger than themselves:
Self-actualizing people are, without one single exception, involved in a cause outside their own skin, in something outside of themselves. They are devoted, working at something, something which is very precious to them—some calling or vocation in the old sense, the priestly sense. They are working at something which fate has called them to somehow and which they work at and which they love, so that the work-joy dichotomy in them disappears. One devotes his life to the law, another to justice, another to beauty or truth.1
One consequence of operating in service to something higher, Maslow pointed out, is that you put yourself in a position to experience your highest bliss—what he called “peak experiences.” Those moments where time stands still and you are high on life. At peace and in nirvana. Where pure joy reminds you that not all tears are sad and the euphoria of feeling like you are right where you are supposed to be comes in waves.
Peak experiences are transient moments of self-actualization. They are moments of ecstasy which cannot be bought, cannot be guaranteed, cannot even be sought. One must be, as C.S. Lewis wrote, ‘surprised by joy.’ But one can set up the conditions so that peak experiences are more likely…2
These moments “cannot be pursued; [they] must ensue, and [they] only do[] so as the unintended side effect of one's personal dedication to a cause greater than oneself or as the by-product of one's surrender to a person other than oneself.”3
The type of joy that both Maslow and Frankl reference here calls to mind the Greek (specifically, Aristotelian) concept of eudaimonia. Commonly translated as mere happiness, eudaimonia is much more than that; it is that special and spirit-level sense of joy and fulfillment one experiences when actively living toward one’s fullest and truest expression (telos), in alignment with the summons of the soul (daimon).
And it is that call of the spirit that I’ve come to equate with destiny. Because the soul’s dream is the life’s purpose. Looking back at The Aeneid, many times throughout the epic it is Mercury (messenger of the gods in mythology; symbolic of subconscious in psychology) that delivers destiny’s instructions to Aeneas. Much in the same way you might say that the voice inside us—whether you refer to it conscience or God—calls us upward.
Which brings me to my point: to truly self-actualize you need a destiny to devote yourself to. And to discern your destiny, you need only sit with yourself and ask your innermost being: how can I use my gifts to serve the world? The answer might not come right away. It might even take some experimenting, some period of trial and error while you work it out with your soul—the divine inside you—giving you feedback every step of the way.
Maybe for you it’s writing (like it is for me). Maybe it’s podcasting or painting. Maybe it’s being a mother or father. Maybe it’s teaching Sunday school or coaching your kid’s little league team. Or maybe it’s simply paving the way for those that come after.
Whatever it is, I believe identifying it—that destiny, that thing we were placed here to do in service to others—and then dedicating our lives to it, regardless of the personal cost, is the single most important ingredient to living a life we can rest satisfied with. To do anything less is to set ourselves up in a life that we know, in our heart of hearts, we will be deeply disappointed with.
In examining self-actualizing people directly, I find that in all cases, at least in our culture, they are dedicated people, devoted to some task ‘outside themselves,’ some vocation, or duty, or beloved job. Generally the devotion and dedication is so marked that one can fairly use the old words vocation, calling, or mission to describe their passionate, selfless, and profound feeling for their ‘work.’ We could even use the words destiny or fate. I have sometimes gone so far as to speak of obligation in the religious sense, in the sense of offering oneself or dedicating oneself upon some altar for some particular task, some cause outside oneself and bigger than oneself, something not merely selfish, something impersonal.”4
Put simply: what you can be, you must be. What you can give, you must give. How you can serve, you must serve.
Sic itur ad astra.
Thus is the way to the stars.
A.H. Maslow, Farther Reaches of Human Nature, Part I.3 (Self-Actualizing and Beyond).
Id.
Viktor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning.
See Philosophy of Loves, edited by David Norton and Mary Kille, p. 118-120, summarizing A.H. Maslow, The Journal of Humanistic Psychology, Vol. VII, No. 2, Fall, 1967, pp. 93-102.